PANDEMONIUM IN SÃO PAULO: Bradford Bulldozes to Victory as Half the Grid Explodes in Chaos

Autódromo José Carlos Pace bore witness to one of the most baffling Brazilian Grands Prix in living memory, as chaos unfurled not once, but twice, before the first lap was in the books.

Turn 1 or Turn None? The Double Red Farce That Killed the Start

On the initial getaway, the incident was caused by a tangle between Pepovic and Bruschetta, where Pepovic got turned sideways, which in turn spun Svensson on the inside of the corner into a helpless pirouette. Kaltenbach got ping-ponged off both of them like a sentient pinball, incident described as “a physics experiment gone wrong.” Jacking Tosh was helpless as everything in front of him slowed to a surreal crawl, more ballet rehearsal than race start. The red flag was flown within seconds, with three cars written off, multiple wings scattered across the Senna S like confetti, and penalties issued so liberally it felt like a raffle.

Daniil BLYAT is late to the party

“I didn’t even brake yet,” muttered a bewildered Tosh in the paddock. “Next thing I know, I’m airborne and Svensson’s calling me a war criminal.”

But worse was yet to come. On the standing restart, again at Turn 1, Kainalo Jones was spun around, resulting in Carlos slamming into the side of Jones, and Turboslav suddenly found himself missing his front right wheel. Three more DNFs. Another red flag. Commentators struggled to find new synonyms for "mayhem" as race director Giuseppe Trombini called for a full race reset.

Silver Carlos POV of the first restart

Williams proving that their car is actually a tank

Cronelius expressing his frustration at the full restart decision

A Controversial Clean Slate and a Jump Start to Remember

With the third grid forming in under 40 minutes, the mood was mixed. Asko Martti team personnel were audibly fuming, muttering things in Finnish that sounded like spells. Still, 20 cars lined up again, and miraculously, the third time was the charm—sort of.

Bradford, clearly itching to get moving, jumped the start by roughly the length of a pit straight. He was hit with a drive-through penalty, which he served while casually overtaking three cars on the way into pit lane.

On the other hand, Pepovic and De Gaaij were trading positions like overly polite chess players insisting the other go first.

Some close racing

At the rear, Gatevold and Sennpai got a little too friendly into Turn 4, and Toshiba Jira lost half his front wing in what can only be described as “misjudging a ghost braking point.” A cautious safety car was deployed, just in time to watch Gatevold drive into Sennpai's gearbox after hitting the radio button instead of the brake.

On the radio, Gatevold said:

“Sorry guys, thought it was the DRS.”

Red Bull’s Double Implosion and the Pitlane Debacle

Lap 11 brought more theatrical drama, as a safety car was deployed for seemingly no reason (Trombini latter admitted that he "accidentally leaned on the SC button" while trying to open a spreadsheet), during which both Red Bulls, Cronelius and Fabiano, spontaneously disqualified from cringe. In peak absurdity: Kaltenbach attempted a TikTok dance while under yellow flags, embedding himself into the wall. Cronelius—thinking the race was back on—launched an overtaking move, slamming into the rear of Alejandro-Sainz and promptly disintegrated.

The Red Bulls crash out simultaneously

Then, madness.

With drivers trundling behind the safety car and pondering pit stops, Giuseppe Trombini made the baffling decision to red-flag the race—again. The reason? Unclear. Some said it was to reset tyre strategies. Others believed he just really likes red flags.

But what broke the camel’s back was the chaos in the pitlane. Asko Martti refused to rejoin the race, blocking the pit exit with their two cars while yelling what linguists later identified as old Finnish war chants mixed with some very modern swears. Their team principal claimed they were “late for sauna and justice.”

Asko Martti protest, lead by Kainalo Jones

The pitlane is CLOSED

Trombini, in true form, forgot to tell the grid that the pitlane was closed. As a result, the five cars that entered the pitlane (Fatzinger, Sennpai, Jones, Bruschetta, Jira) were disqualified, and exited to find race stewards waving them away like overzealous bouncers. Sajiki Jones, visibly furious, attempted to do donuts in protest.

Jones becomes completely hysterical

Fatzinger has a brief moment of hope after a 198s pit stop

Bradford’s Indestructible Williams and Haas’ Glorious Chaos

Through it all, Rum-Balls Bradford emerged like a juggernaut. Despite a (double) drive-through and a brief grass detour that should’ve broken his suspension, he powered through everything unscathed. At one point, he was literally seen driving through debris from the Red Bull incident without even a scratch.

“Yeah, our car is built different,” Bradford said post-race. “Also, possibly out of lead.”

Bradford took the lead at lap 19 and never let up

Conspiracy theories abounded, with one rival team engineer simply stating: “It’s not a Formula One car. It’s a shopping mall on wheels.”

But the real Cinderella story belonged to MoneyGram Haas. With Pietro Pepovic and Yisk Svensson securing P2 and P3 respectively, the American team pulled off their best ever result, vaulting into second in the constructors. Pepovic was elated: “We were aiming for points, and now we need a new trophy cabinet. Or, like, a shelf.”

Silver Carlos stunned with P4, breaking his own record, while Jacking Tosh salvaged a phenomenal P5 after starting his race upside down, and drove most of it wingless. Mumin Rikardo and Erik De Gaaij dueled all afternoon like old school gladiators, with the Alfa Romeo man emerging on top.

Tosh sticks it on the outside vs Fatzinger

Axel Alonso-Sainz and Daniil Blyat snagged their first championship points in a clean, if not entirely visible, performance. But perhaps the biggest hero was Vahishton Turboslav, who dragged his three-wheeled McLaren, sans front wing and running on fumes, to ninth after his soft tyres detonated.

"I was hallucinating from fuel vapors by the last lap," Turboslav said, dazed. "Thought I saw Ayrton Senna offering me coconut water." He then proceeded to mumble something about himself being "the caution".

Trombini on the Chopping Block?

By the chequered flag, only 10 drivers remained classified. Ten. It was a race that resembled a demolition derby more than a grand prix. Giuseppe Trombini was last seen being escorted from race control by stewards wielding a copy of the FIA rulebook and what looked like a small fire extinguisher.

The final classification

Rumours are now swirling that this might be his final race as director, with some reports suggesting FIA may bring in AI to replace him. Possibly the track’s maintenance robot. At least it doesn’t red flag races out of boredom.

Next up? The slightly less chaotic straights and curves of Barcelona, Spain. Or so the FIA desperately hopes.