THE GREAT FERRARI CONSPIRACY: “WE’RE BEING SABOTAGED BY THE FIA AND OUR OWN PIT CREW“

Gonki was invited by Gatevold and de Gaaij to learn the full extent of the conspiracy.

Ferrari, once the jewel of Formula 1, now finds itself persecuted, sabotaged, and—according to them—nearly assassinated. This season has brought more than heartbreak to the team in red. It’s brought a war.

Now, Ferrari files a formal lawsuit titled: “Ferrari vs FIA et al: A Tale of Treachery, Tarmac, and Treason”

A 75-page complaint to the International Criminal Court of Sport Arbitration in Geneva, accusing the FIA of orchestrating a coordinated conspiracy to destroy Ferrari's chances in this season’s Formula Один League. In this article we will go through Ferraris main charges against the FiA, comments from drivers involved and the Ferrari demands for the future.

The core of Ferrari’s argument? “A concerted effort to undermine Ferrari excellence with FiA Stewardship meddling.” The charges in the Ferrari lawsuit are as follows:

1. Illegally telling drivers to pass Ferraris during Safety Cars
2. Intentionally timing Safety Car deployments to hurt Ferrari
3. Other teams sabotaging Ferrari drivers qualifying laps
4. Murder attempts targeted at Ferrari
5. The pit crew that went rogue (also called “the pit crew from hell”)
6. The most suspicious red flags since her asking you for your starsign
7. The motive — revenge

1: Illegal FiA Orders

Artist interpretation of what must have happened in the steward's room.

Multiple times now have drivers been told by FiA Stewards to overtake Ferraris during Safety Cars at Silverstone and Monza. Most recently by Mercedes and Aston Martin. During both cases you can hear the crime committing drivers laugh like demons along with the FiA Stewards commands to overtake Deltaing vehicles.

These stewards, in turn, have allegedly manipulated safety car overtakes in favor of Ferrari’s rivals. In the Silverstone GP, Jacking Tosh overtook during Safety Car.

Jacking Tosh's illegal overtake

The astute viewers will not only see a Maclaren murder attempt at a Ferrari, but will also hear that Jackings team-mate Eris Bernoulli-Bruschetta tells Jacking not to overtake because of the despicable lack of sportsmanship it would entail. But Jacking does so anyway, what do the stewards have on Mercedes that they cannot disobey them!? Or maybe Eris has to say it to make it seem like an accident!?

Gatevold POV of the incident

Same events happen from the Ferrari POV, completely unreasonable Delta into “only illegal when Ferrari does it” overtake. Gonki reached out to Mercedes for comment and this is what Eris Bernoulli-Bruschetta had to say: “I have no gods and no masters, let alone the FIA: I am ungovernable”. Gonki then immediately asked: “Does this mean you condemn the actions of your team mate?” Eris replies: “No, I stand with Jack till the end.”

This is a concerning piece of evidence in the case, a clear contradiction coming from Mercedes. Maybe they are more involved in the conspiracy after all? Mercedes offender Jacking Tosh had this to say about the incident:

“I saw a Ferrari stopped dead on track, leading me to believe the mandatory 12 cappuccinos pre-race activated the driver's cardiac arrest. Unfortunately during the turn 1 shunt into my sidepod, my left earbud dislodged from my ear canal preventing team lead Toton Wellington from communicating what was happening. What seems like a morally questionable overtake was simply caused by my right ear damage from constant AK-47 gunfire (i'm a righty)”

An explanation that the Gonki legal expert Yousanna Progdogodolovich expects will be torn to shreds in court.

Editor's note: at this point the conversation was devolving into barely-comprehensible conspiratorial rants. Gonki has not verified the following claims.

One big part of the conspiracy and accompanying lawsuit is the case of the missing “Kainalo Tapes” during the Monza Grand Prix. Ferrari claims the FiA have received and deleted the POV of driver “Kainalo Jones” to bury their meddling in the incident at Monza. Gonki has gotten no comment from Asko Martti about the missing POV that could exonerate “Kainalo Jones”. The evidence of the event Ferrari brings to the table is Kainalo's team-mate Elgus POV. Where you can hear both Finns laughing at an upset Norwegian trying to reclaim their rightful spot under the safety car.

The KainaloTapesGate, where are they?

To further prove FiA is using underhanded bad Safety Car calls, here is an incident once again with Mercedes driver Jacking Tosh (coincidence, really?). Refreshingly not at Ferrari's expense, but maybe they just missed the mark.

And who can forget the incredible order by the FiA during Monza once again.

Masterful call there by soon-to-be-fired-stewards 👏. Especially tactical call there as it loses Ferrari 2 points in the standings. Belissimo.

2: Using Safety car deployments as a weapon against Ferrari

Race director preparing to call for a safety car just as a Ferrari passes the pitlane entry

Yes, folks. You heard it here first. Ferrari believes the FIA is intentionally timing Safety Car deployments to directly sabotage the Scuderia, ensuring they lose time, track position, and their already fragile grip on reality.

At the heart of the conspiracy is a pattern of race manipulation. “Every time we gain track position,” explains Havspiser Gatevold, “a suspicious yellow flag appears. Not just any yellow flag. A strategic yellow. A banana-colored omen of doom. Who benefits? Always Mercedes. Sometimes Asko. Never us. And as for Alfa Romeo—they know something is up too, but they’re too afraid to speak.”

“We’re not paranoid,” said Erik de Gaaij, sipping a triple espresso while furiously drawing on a whiteboard labeled “FIA TIMELINE OF BETRAYAL.” “We’re observant. It’s not a theory. It’s a fact. In Silverstone, the Safety Car came out exactly 2.3 seconds after Havspiser pitted, losing Ferrari 5 spots for nothing. And who can forget Spain? We all saw what happened!!!”

Havspiser GATEVOLD adding:

“In Brazil—and this is the kicker—they deployed it while I was in the toilet. Coincidence? I think not.”

(Gonki feels it necessary to mention that Havspiser was out of the game at this point of the race, even still clear meddling from the FiA stewards)

3: Other teams sabotaging Ferrari drivers qualifying laps

Monza — the temple of speed. But for Ferrari? A temple of betrayal. Both Erik and Havspiser suffered intentional qualifying sabotage:

• Erik: “I was used as a living slipstream by Eris Bernoulli-Bruschetta on the final qualifying lap, forcing me to go on the inside of the corner, Eris only had the speed because of the slipstream. Unsportsmanlike!”
• Havspiser: Was “accidentally” slipstreamed into a gravel trap by Vahishton Turboslav, who then “apologized” with a suspicious wink.

These incidents ensured Ferrari’s P14 and P16 start—positions described by Erik as “strategically engineered peasantry.”

“Where was the FIA? Sleeping? Bribed? Or the main agitator in the anti-Ferrari events?.”

The impeder calls for impeding, despite being the one that has impeded.

Gonki once again reached out to the slipstream goblin Mercedes driver for comment:

"Ferrari are cool victims and all, but don't let this distract you from the fact that I will fuck up LORENZO-QUAKER in this life or the next. It's coming soon."

Editor's note: at this point de Gaaij spit on the floor and said: “Complete disregard for sportsmanship“

4: Murder attempts targeted at Ferrari

Actual photo taken by REDACTED at Autódromo José Carlos

Yes. Murder.

Ferrari claims that multiple drivers have attempted vehicular assassination.

“We’ve dodged more dive-bombs than an aircraft carrier,” said Gatevold, pointing to Asko Marti, Mercedes, McLaren, Alpine and Haas as main attemptees. No matter how many races they win or how many trophies they hoard, every team on the grid knows this truth:

They will never be Ferrari.

Ferrari is legacy. Ferrari is history. Ferrari is the team your dad cried about in 1997 and your grandmother watched in black and white. This kind of untouchable cultural power breeds resentment.

According to one anonymous Haas engineer:

“It’s not that we want to kill them. But if a Ferrari accidentally ends up in the gravel… I sleep well.”

5: The case of the Ferrari talpa (Italian for Mole)

Editor's note: the following paragraphs include explicit language used by Gatevold, we apologize to our readers in advance.

The Ferrari pit crew photo taken during the Silverstone Grand Prix

In a shocking twist, Ferrari is also accusing a rogue element within its own pit crew of sabotage. According to anonymous sources, two crew members have been taking secret meetings with FiA officials near the gelato stand.

Ferrari points to evidence during Silverstone: where the pit crew refused to fix broken wings, forcing Havspiser to pit twice, after which the pit crew changed his tyres to HARDS during the rain! Solidly stopping any hope for a good position for Gatevold’s debut track appearance. And during Spain where the lazy pieces of shit in the Italian Pit Crew once again misplaced Gatevold’s front wing, claiming it got lost at the ufficio postale uccidimi!

Not enough espressos for the pit crew, or something more sinister?

"Lazy pieces of shit, fix the wing, fix the wing" was heard few moments later and earned Gatevold a penalty point for expletives.

“Someone’s been loosening our wheel nuts, misplaced our replacement front wings and intentionally slowing down pit entries” said Gatevold. “That’s not just sloppy work. That’s Espionaggio.”

Once is an accident, but this is a pattern.

Here we can see clear sabotage from the Ferrari pitcrew. The plan was to preemptively change to inters. And you can also see the amazingly timed Safety Car into “catch safety car queue” while the first-time driver tries to figure out what happened. Losing 5+ spots.

The pit crew seen after only their 5th espresso macchiato of the morning.

6: “It’s only the Ferrari, let it ride”

“False red flags,” Gatevold says, “are code for privilege protection.”

At Brazil, Ferrari masterfully navigated Turn 1 chaos after the first red flag. On restart, chaos again—Ferrari rises like phoenixes. A second red flag* neutralizes the gains. A third crash, this time with Havspiser’s car totaled by a common offender, brings... no red flag. Each time you can hear and feel the stewards' anger that no Ferrari was hurt.

Clean navigation of turn 1 chaos is not rewarded.

“That’s the pattern,” said Erik. “Only restart if Ferrari gains. Let it ride if Ferrari dies. This is not motorsport. This is a Netflix thriller.”

Where's the safety car? The red flags? The penalties?

7: The smoke still lingers—FIA’S Philip Morris vendetta

Until now, Ferrari’s accusations against the FIA have sounded like the usual mix of competitive paranoia, garage whispers, and excessive mid-session cappuccino consumption. But one question remains stubbornly unanswered in the face of data, radio messages, and mysteriously timed red flags:

Why would the FIA want to sabotage Ferrari at all?

"You can scrub the livery, but not the memory."

That’s what one anonymous Ferrari engineer allegedly muttered after the FIA handed down yet another "coincidental" 5-second penalty to Havspiser Gatevold for “spiritual instability under braking.”

The Ferrari lawsuit’s new seventh charge points to something even deeper than safety car sorcery or pitlane betrayal. A buried grudge. A nicotine-scented vendetta.

"We believe the FIA has not forgiven Ferrari for making them the global face of tobacco trickery," said Erik de Gaaij. "We were the scapegoat for a regulatory embarrassment."

Ferrari’s claim is this:

The FIA has never forgiven Ferrari for dragging them into global scrutiny. So now, with PMI branding gone, they’re making sure Ferrari pays anyway. A silent penalty. A vendetta waged not in courtrooms—but in pit stops, penalties, and strategic red flags.

As Erik de Gaaij explains:

“They couldn’t cancel our contract. So now they cancel our races.”

📑 THE FERRARI DEMANDS

Filed under Ferrari vs FIA et al: A Tale of Treachery, Tarmac, and Treason, the 75-page lawsuit demands:

• A full investigation into Safety Car decision algorithms
• Lifetime bans and potential flogging for unnamed FIA stewards
• Reparations paid in Parmigiano-Reggiano
• Ferrari to be granted 3 “Red Flags of Redemption” to be used at their discretion
• Apologies in Dutch, Norwegian, and Italian posted on the FIA Instagram, LinkedIn, Grinder and Diddler
• Murder attempts reviewed by the Geneva tribunal for war crimes—with slow motion + piano soundtrack

As one clause (translated from Italian) reads:

   "Se ci tradite ancora, bruciamo tutto." (“If you betray us again, we burn it all.”)

🏁 CONCLUSION: “THE RACE IS FIXED, AND WE HAVE THE EVIDENCE TO PROVE IT”

“We’re not just fighting for Ferrari,” said de Gaaij, pointing at a scribbled diagram connecting Jacking Tosh to a fishmonger in Dublin. “We’re fighting for the truth.”

Whether you believe in the conspiracy or not, one thing is certain:

Ferrari is no longer playing nice.
They’re playing RED.
And the whole world is watching.